Today, I went to church with my parents for the first time in months. It was the same as always: complete with preaching, teaching, and a million little kids. I’m indifferent about the first two, but the third always gets me- I love interacting with young children. Something about a child’s pure innocence to the devilish world makes me wish for hope in the future generations. I wish I could return to that age and just remain their forever. If only I had a time machine…
I enjoy carrying conversation with young kids. They are so very blunt about everything, and it’s awesome. There is no such thing as censorship to them. It’s not a “My tummy hurts!” It’s an “I gotta poop!” If mommy looks fat, by god Jack jr. is going to say it. These favorable qualities in the children at church led me to the topic of this post- Justin Bieber.
While in a discussion about the young boys’ choice of style on this particular day (as interesting as it was, see below, age ranges 4-6,) I stated that the hats make them look like mini Justin Timberlake’s. They snickered, saying that JT “wishes he looked like us.” That comment was followed quickly by an “At least we don’t look like Justin Bieber!” jab. My attention was immediately grabbed. What did these boys, the most innocent of minds, think about every straight teenage boy’s biggest enemy? I had to find out
I threw on my investigative journalism pants and went to work. Interviewing a four year old is not as easy as it looks, which I learned soon after asking the first question. Turns out the answering a question with a fart sound does not accurately answer a question concerning the Biebs (or does it?) Would the pure honesty of childhood fail?
Of course not. The boys riddled off answers left and right:
What’s your favorite song by Justin Bieber?
The one where he doesn’t sing.
Would you like to meet him?
I’d rather meet Justin Beaver!
No. We’d rather meet Phineas.
Why don’t you like him?
He wears ugly clothes and is ugly.
One question I posed seemed to send the boys into a pensive state:
If you could tell Justin one thing, what would it be?
To buy us a Nintendo DS!
Well then. The truth comes out. They not only dislike him for being a terrible musical artist, but also for not using his wealth to buy them all new Gameboys. Justin, if you’re reading- take this plea to heart. Buy some kids a DS for Christmas. It could help with Selena.
And boys. Thank you for brightening my day. Have yourselves a merry little Christmas. I hope you get your new DS’s. If you don’t, let me know. We’ll get a hold of Justin Beaver.