What Four Year Olds Think of Justin Bieber

Today, I went to church with my parents for the first time in months. It was the same as always: complete with preaching, teaching, and a million little kids. I’m indifferent about the first two, but the third always gets me- I love interacting with young children. Something about a child’s pure innocence to the devilish world makes me wish for hope in the future generations. I wish I could return to that age and just remain their forever. If only I had a time machine…

I enjoy carrying conversation with young kids. They are so very blunt about everything, and it’s awesome. There is no such thing as censorship to them. It’s not a “My tummy hurts!” It’s an “I gotta poop!” If mommy looks fat, by god Jack jr. is going to say it. These favorable qualities in the children at church led me to the topic of this post- Justin Bieber.

While in a discussion about the young boys’ choice of style on this particular day (as interesting as it was, see below, age ranges 4-6,) I stated that the hats make them look like mini Justin Timberlake’s.  They snickered, saying that JT “wishes he looked like us.” That comment was followed quickly by an “At least we don’t look like Justin Bieber!” jab. My attention was immediately grabbed. What did these boys, the most innocent of minds, think about every straight teenage boy’s biggest enemy? I had to find out

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I threw on my investigative journalism pants and went to work. Interviewing a four year old is not as easy as it looks, which I learned soon after asking the first question. Turns out the answering a question with a fart sound does not accurately answer a question concerning the Biebs (or does it?) Would the pure honesty of childhood fail?

Of course not.  The boys riddled off answers left and right:

What’s your favorite song by Justin Bieber?

The one where he doesn’t sing.

Would you like to meet him?

I’d rather meet Justin Beaver!

No. We’d rather meet Phineas. 

Why don’t you like him?

He wears ugly clothes and is ugly.


Fair point.

One question I posed seemed to send the boys into a pensive state:

If you could tell Justin one thing, what would it be?


To buy us a Nintendo DS!

Well then. The truth comes out. They not only dislike him for being a terrible musical artist, but also for not using his wealth to buy them all new Gameboys.  Justin, if you’re reading- take this plea to heart. Buy some kids a DS for Christmas. It could help with Selena.

And boys. Thank you for brightening my day. Have yourselves a merry little Christmas. I hope you get your new DS’s. If you don’t, let me know. We’ll get a hold of Justin Beaver.


It’s Beginning to Look A Lot Like Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is a strange holiday to me. I understand the historical significance of America’s evil imperialistic twin being born, but I don’t quite understand why that has translated in to what it is today. But hey! This is America, and we can do whatever the f—k we want! So we fatten ourselves with turkey, discuss our distant relatives and the reasons for their excommunication from the family, and always deal with that annoying family member whom you wish would be excommunicated.  A good time.

That being said, I like Thanksgiving. It allows me to take a step back and take a look at what I am thankful for on this holiday, and on every day. I have a lot of things to be thankful for, so in lieu of a cliché Instagram picture or Facebook status that most of my peers have decided to resort to, I am going to let you read them.  (if you were to ask my mom, she’d expect the post to stop here.)


     My Family

This is a tough one for me. I definitely do not always get along with my immediate family, but they are good to me. Without my mom, I probably would have enjoyed high school a little more, but I also wouldn’t have had nearly the benefits I got while we were there together. I also wouldn’t have had the “push” to give even the smallest effort. My dad is the man. He puts up with mom! SIMPLY AMAZING.

My sister is way better than me in anything that she does, and she is really good in school to be an animator. You can watch that progress here.


     The Pittsburg Pirates Making the Playoffs

      A big one for me. For the first time in twenty years, the team I love so dearly finally had a winning record. The Pirates made the playoffs, and I went to the insane wildcard game. After their elimination, I was also graced with my second favorite athlete, Andrew Mccutchen, winning the MVP award. I distinctly remember where I was when the Pirates clinched the winning record; I was in my dorm room loaning a Hawaiian shirt to one of my floor mates in exchange for a shot of the finest liquor WVU has to offer. Oh, college.


      My Friends

     I love these guys. My two best friends from when I was a young lad, Tony Hayes and John Bowman, are awesome. Although John can be tremendously annoying and Tony can be tremendously douche-baggy, we have a bond that cannot be broken. We have done some of the dumbest things in the world, but also some of the most fun.  My newer friends also are very important- Mike Swisher being one of the most. I have also made many friends in college, which leads us to the next item….

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     The Pride of West Virginia

     I was very skeptical when I decided to try out for the Mountaineer Marching Band. I didn’t want to have anything to do with band in college. I was so band-ed out, I just wanted to relax. My wonderful girlfriend tried out for the WVU Color Guard, and I wanted to spend time with her- so I tried out. That was the best decision of my college life. The places I’ve gone and the people I’ve met are great. I’ve gone to Oklahoma City and St. Louis, seen the Mountaineer football team suck from field level, and befriended a few awesome people, the Gloryhounds! I never thought I’d enjoy it this much.


     Lebron James

      I love Lebron. He has it figured out, man. The guy is just a winner. He’s the best basketball player to ever play the game, and he’s one of the most outgoing people I’ve ever seen. He straight embarrassed Jason Terry last season, and that was awesome.


     My Cat

      My real best friend is my cat, Night Rider. The guy has been there for me. He always knows exactly what to say. (watch that video.)



       We live in the greatest country in the world, and people seem to forget that. We can wake up in the morning and not worry about starving, being shot (unless you live in Morgantown), or being eaten by rabid wolves.


Before this day is over, take a step back and think about what you’re thankful for. I’m sure you’ll be surprised. Happy Thanksgiving!